Friday, December 02, 2016

12-2: On This Day

How did you  celebrate the first of December? I thought deep thoughts.

I mean, this is what I do—overthink. So why should now be any different? Never do I engage more in overthinking than when I'm overwhelmed. Here's my current self-care routine: do work and avoid chores, do chores and avoid work, avoid people by escaping to Stars Hollow.

I'm starting to climb out of the hole now, and I'm realizing my self-care routine needs work. I'm still doing the work/chore balance thing because it's the holidays and both of those things have blown up, but I'm also going to work harder on the self-care.

Get a jump on the new year, you know?

So my dear friend Marisa gave me a tiny Leichtturm notebook and I've been looking at it sitting there on my desk for a few weeks now. I mean, it's a pretty fantastic tiny notebook and it requires just the right words inside of it. I was thinking of the tiny notebook while thinking about my extremist tendencies—meaning I either fully commit or fully avoid—and I think maybe I can use that tiny notebook to find a happy medium with self care.

A place to capture the things I need to do: exercise, meditation, tracking my eating to ensure I'm going to make some good choices along with the crappy. And on the first page, I made the commitment to NOT commit to a total lifestyle overhaul but to track the small changes I want to make. After all, 2016 has shown me that I tend to rebel against authority, even when that authority is self-inflicted so best to not try to force the rebel to conform.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

11-30: On This Day

The impending Gilmore Girls reboot made me crave the good old days of the Gilmore Girls, so I started rewatching a few weeks ago. I watched it old school, an episode here, another one there. Since the reboot aired, I really really missed the good old days and I've been slamming through episodes like a speed freak.

Today, on this December Eve morning, in lieu of the morning news, I switched over to Netflix and have been doing my housework and knocking out my to do list with Stars Hollow in the background. I was going to stop, but then Lorelai smelled snow.

She's a girl after my own heart.

I identify, weirdly, with Lorelai and her black sheep ways. I never had a kid at 16, I never went to private school, ran an inn or had such a contemptuous relationship with my wretch of a mother. But all the same, I relate. I should also note here that my mother is not a wretch.

Lately, my to do list has all sorts of interesting things that I don't normally have on it—like "freezer inventory" and "make wreath" and "holiday baking list" and "find ornaments." I rearranged the furniture and put up the tree and put out the decorations. Well, some of them.

The tree (thank you Jesus for pre-lit trees) had been up for a few days, the box of ornaments just sitting there next to it. And although our tree is usually weighed down with the ornaments we've collected over our 25 years together, this year, we were all okay with the minimal look. I went through and just pulled out the snow-themed ornaments. Because I do love the snow. And I too can smell when it's coming. It's one of my favorite things.

The past few days have been disjointed. It's not just the seasonal additions on my to do list,
it's something I haven't been able to put my finger on. And yesterday when I was sitting at my desk (which had been a holding area for all manner of things for the past week) and looking out the window, I realized my cardinals had been missing when I saw Burgermeister (he's the front yard cardinal) appeared on the feeder. Before I could get my phone to get a picture, he was gone. But I've been worried about him.

And then, last night when I opened the box of ornaments, there was my little broken Christmas reindeer, Zed. He's been missing for a few years and he wasn't there when I opened the box to find the garland or when I opened the box to find some lights but when I opened the box to find the snow for the tree. He approves. Here's a little more about Zed, for those who are interested.

Monday, November 28, 2016

11-28: On This Day

It's almost next month and not just next month but it's almost Christmas and almost the end of 2016.

Kind of looking forward to that.

This past week was amazing and I took as much time as I could offline. I spent time with family and with friends and my dog and my couch and a Star Wars movie marathon and too much food and coffee in the morning and wine at night.

Today, on this Monday as I'm counting down the days until snow and Christmas and 2017, I packed up half of the living room stuff, rearranged the furniture and put up the Christmas tree. It's Trixie's first year with a tree and so far she hasn't knocked it over or eaten it. I mean, it's only been like 4 hours, but I'm optimistic.

Ran some errands and on my way home, I took a back road that winds and dips and is like therapy. There's an intersection we pass with a little one-lane bridge just peeking around a curve to the south. Every time I pass this way, I look at that little bridge with wistful wonder. A one lane bridge, so quaint; what could be on the other side of it? What stories is it hiding? What could be under it?

Today, instead of driving through the intersection and continuing on my way, I turned.

The bridge was a little scarier than I thought it would be. It really is a one-lane bridge, "paved" with raised wooden slats. The kind of bridge you hold your breath when you drive over it, the kind that you just know trolls live under. And since there was pretty much nothing on the other side of that bridge save for dumped trash and cows, I got to hold my breath and drive over it again after executing a pretty perfect 3-point turn. Two of my questions were answered; I now know what's on the other side and I know that it's spanning a pretty deep ditch with a creek in it. As for stories, I might never know. That graffiti might hold some secrets, though.

I'm sure there's a message in there. Maybe about trust. Maybe about faith that things will be okay. Maybe about secrets hiding in plain sight or about how when you really need those skills you learned in driver's ed, they'll be there. But right now I'm just happy that I know what's on the other side of that little one lane bridge.

Monday, November 21, 2016

11-21: On This Day

It's cold outside, but the coffee is hot. Kids and dog are sleeping—it's Thanksgiving break. Well, for them it is, anyway. I remember when I was on that side of life, not responsible for the event, just responsible for enjoying the event and not making a mess.

Thinking about being thankful, as this time of year will lead me to do. I'm thankful for that cold weather and especially for the hot coffee. Well, everyone around me is thankful for that hot coffee because that's the magic potion that turns me into a human.

I'm thankful to have found work I'm passionate about. I love being a writer and especially being an editor—and I'm thankful that I'm good at both. Because, that's not always the case. I mean, I love to sing but I'm not good at singing, which makes me thankful for my car and driving by myself. That makes my family happy, too.

I'm thankful for kids who sleep in and let me have some quiet time to get stuff done. Or maybe they're just avoiding me until they know I've gotten enough coffee down. Either way, I'm thankful.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Let's Write Together

Why do you need a Writer's Retreat this weekend?

Maybe you're doing NANOWRIMO and you're falling behind. It's okay, I don't judge. Been there, done that... Or maybe you're thisclose to finishing your project but you just need a few hours of quiet... Or maybe you need to collaborate with a few other writery types or have a question that another author or editor or agent or writing coach could help you with... It's going to be cold this weekend and spending time inside sounds great (I'm not making this up. My weather app is calling for a high of 55).

Regardless of which one of these is you, there is hope, this weekend at the OKC Writer's Retreat.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

11-16: On This Day

What matters? What really matters? It's a good question that I am currently pondering. I can say that something is important to me, but if I don't spend time on it, is it really? I mean, a good night's sleep means a lot to me but still I grabbed my phone after I was in bed and ready to go to sleep to create this little image.

Monday, November 14, 2016

11-14: On This Day

I took a hiatus. Sometimes, when your brain is spinning too fast, it's hard to put into words what you're feeling, you know? There's been a lot to process and I sat back and watched and processed it. Today, I woke up to the new and improved super moon.

It was gorgeous. I love it when the moon hangs ripe in the sky. I could see the landmarks and craters but try as I may, I couldn't capture it all on film. I can't do everything. So I just enjoyed it, stood in the crisp air with my coffee and my kids and took photos in vain.

I mean, I know I can't do everything, but I still have to try.

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

The Day After

As I write this, it's Tuesday, November 8, 2016. I'm sitting at my computer with a glass of wine and on the television behind me, Wolf Blitzer is telling me that 2% of the vote in Florida is in. Shit's getting real now; polls are closing and we all hope that it's going to be okay.

Tuesday, November 08, 2016

Monday, November 07, 2016

11-7: On This Day

This past weekend, I spent a lot of time with my ladies. I was lucky enough to share snacks with some blogger friends who are smarter than I am on a lot of things and as we shared all the carbs, we discussed all the important and unimportant parts of life that feed into our blogs. We validated one another, shared knowledge and I hope that we all left the encounter feeling uplifted.

We are women in different stages of life from different places geographically and in different life circumstances, but we all agree that we found happiness in authenticity. In admitting our faults and not trying to run from them. And sharing a little bit of the "not pictured" part of life to better explain the more polished parts. Good stuff takes work and the work isn't something people usually show. Especially when we see others who make it look easy, it can be hard to remember that there is so much that goes into any sort of success and it can make a person start to feel resentful or like there's no reason to try when it's hard. But everything takes work. It takes a lot of hard effort to make something look easy. There is a mess behind every perfect picture. There's always more to the story.