Restlessness.

So it's been about 24 hours since I've been out of the house (well, at least out of the driveway would be more accurate as I really have been out of the house several times today). I'm feeling very restless. I've drunk a bottle of wine (a nice little Pinot Grigio). So to prevent myself from the drunk dial, I made a playlist. Here it be:
Santa Monica - Everclear

The second song I ever sang karaoke to. I can still taste the mic.

Jealous Again - Black Crowes

Becky!? Girl, this is our song. Love it. Think of you every. single. time.

Alabama Song (Whisky Bar) - the Doors

Very self-serving. I love my whisky (and Jim Morrison).

Flag Pole Sitta - Harvey Danger

Every time I listen to this song, I hit repeat way too many times.

Possum Kingdom - the Toadies

Do you wanna die? No; but still, awesome jam.

Paralyzer - Finger 11

Dirty sexy personified.

Johnny Got a Boom Boom - Imelda May

This chick rocks - HARD. Great find, courtesy of Mitzi.

Ballroom Blitz - Sweet

When I was a kid, we had a "radio station" in the basement with a bunch of 45s. This is the first song I remember lip-syncing to when I was like 7 years old.

Salvation - Rancid

I. Love. Rancid. They are my new favorite band. Why is it that I discover punk rock at this point in my life? So many wasted years.

One Thing Leads to Another - the Fixx

Great lyrics & great rhythm.

Ball & Chain - Social Distortion

Reminds me of a string of fun nights out on the town in Alexandria, VA.

Psycho - Puddle of Mudd

Yeah, maybe you are the one. Or wait; maybe that's me?

Try it Again - the Hives

I got this CD after I heard the "Tick Tick Boom" song on a TV show (I'd heard it before but it never stuck; this time it did)

Aeroplane - Red Hot Chili Peppers

"I like pleausre spiked with pain and music is my aeroplane ..." 'nuff said. 

Der Kommisar - After the Fire

Best 80s song ever.

You Know I'm No Good - Amy Winehouse

Best Amy Winehouse song ever.

Hey Hey What Can I Do - Led Zeppelin

Just a good roll down the windows & sing along kind of song.

Blow My Mind - Big & Rich

Boom-boom-diddy-diddy-diddy fabulousness!

Points of Authority / 99 Problems / One Step Closer - Jay Z & Linkin Park

My fav Jay Z song turned into a rap/rock festival.

Give me Some Water - Eddie Money

Because of a night after the Newburg picnic, spent out in a field in Ozaukee County. God bless those McKay boys. And also, what other song has "Oh jeez!" in the lyrics?

My Sharona - the Knack

I remember listening to this 45 with the orange and yellow spiral in the middle on my denim-printed portable record player before church, way back in the day. Hello and welcome to the 1980s.

Keep Your Hands to Yourself - Georgia Satellites

The first song I ever sang karaoke to, at Cliffords Bar in Milwaukee. I got a standing ovation and nobody could belive it was my first time. I am a total ham, apparently.

Breaking the Girl - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Good song. . Love the Blood/Sugar/Sex/Magic timeframe.

Single Ladies - Beyonce

Put yo' hands up!

Bloodclot - Rancid

Fantastic fabulous (which is a song I'm missing from Luscious Jackson that should go right here to be a companion to Bloodclot).

Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol

I. Love. This. Song. Perfect beat for running and I don't care what he's really singing about.

Should I Stay or Should I Go - the Clash

A great song from the only band that reallly matters (if you ask their fans).

Pictures of You - the Cure

Love song perfection.

Cinnamon Girl - Neil Young

Neil Young mostly bugs me. Except for this song, which I love. 

Mexican Radio - Wall of Voodoo

Kitschy perfection.

Tainted Love - Soft Cell

Remake of a remake of a remake & they made it their own. I see my high school years flash before my eyes every time I hear it.

Cream & Bastards Rise - Harvey Danger

So funny that I laugh every time I hear it.

Mercy - Duffy

It was overdone but now they've left it alone so I can like it again.

Electric Ave - Eddy Grant

This song is perfect; I thought so in 1982 (or whenever that was) & I think it now.

Lulu - Rancid

I. Love. Rancid. Didn't we cover this already?

I'm such a tease.

An excerpt from the "novel"* I'm working on:

I moved toward the door, careful of bumping into furniture or stepping on an errant and squeaking floorboard. The front door is open, but the screen is latched. I unlatch the door and take a deep breath when I step out of the unfamiliar house onto the unfamiliar porch and look out at the unfamiliar street. I sit on the bottom step and zip my boots, deciding to turn right at the end of the walkway so at least one thing I do today will be right. I walk for six blocks on streets and sidewalks, heat around me raging like the pounding within my head. My skin is slick but my lips are dry. I’m looking at the street signs I pass, but they don’t correlate to the streets I know. I’m on 20th Street. I pass Scott Street, Reynolds Court, Monarch Lane. When I reach Wildwood Parkway there is a dollar store, and I go inside to buy a bottle of water and a pair of flip flops so I can take off these cheap spike-heeled boots. I sit on the curb drinking the water and fold up the boots to tuck into the dollar store sack. I grab the receipt stuck in the bottom corner of the sack and glance at it. I realize that it says I’m in Monroe and no longer in Brenner. My last memory is standing in The Bar in Brenner, ordering another beer, asking Walter for change to play the dart machine, enjoying the cool night breeze coming in through the open doors and windows.



I realize that now, in the harsh bright light of this humid day, I am 100 miles from home and I have no idea how I had gotten here.


And this was the moment that I knew it was time to go.

If you're a reader - please do leave a comment. Putting this on my blog is equivalent to posting a picture of myself in my skivvies.

 * I use quotes here because I feel weird referring to a work in progress as a novel.

Everybody's doin' it

I just finished watching Julie & Julia, a movie I've been wanting to see for quite a long time. I'd heard about the book and really loved it, I was thrilled when I heard about the movie but just never got to see it when it was in the theatres because, well ... did you ever feel like you were so excited for something but then once it came, you didn't want to rush it ... because you know the anticipation is sometimes the best part. And when you really like something, you want to savor it [like Julia's boeuf bourguignon?] and not rush through it.

Well, I thought the movie was great; I loved Meryl Streep as Julia, Stanley Tucci is amazing and Amy Adams was adorable as ever. A good chick flick, a good story that kept me smiling. But ... still.

(this is the tangent part): So I'm watching the movie, which has the subtext of the love story between Julie & her husband. But I know that now they are divorced and she's written a book about that. So that made it difficult to watch. Makes me a little sad for them - I want to yell at the screen to her husband "run! go now!" but I know that's not feasible as it's a tv and nobody can hear me (plus I might wake the kids).

(back to our regularly scheduled programming): And another point of the movie is the whole idea of blogging. About how narcissistic bloggers are [ahem; I prefer 'self-reflective']. About how everyone is a writer now - and you can be a writer too! We can all do it! To be fair, Julie had skillz (yes, with a 'z'); she was a writer, she just didn't have the confidence that a writer needs to push that writing into the public.

I've always felt a little self-serving with the blogging. It's where I put down all my unstated thoughts. Where other people may or may not read the random shit that crawls through my head. But, underneath it all, I've always wanted to be a writer. I have always been an avid reader. I've always written stories and poetry (but - in the interest of full disclosure - don't really like to read poetry). I work as an editor and writer of articles (and blogs!). I've gotten excited over an interesting turn of phrase. I remember having an Oprah-level A-Ha Moment when Denise (my former editor and current friend and mentor) change a troublesome sentence to a simple, meaningful statment. I think I may have high-fived her. I love words.

And I want to be a writer. I want to write books! But where to begin?

Musical Mojo

Remember that one episode of Seinfeld where Elaine's boyfriend like, completely pauses in whatever he is doing every time Desperado by the Eagles comes on the radio? I totally dated that guy. But it was a different song, a very elaborate Led Zeppelin song that seemed to make a nod to the one who did him wrong, that girl or woman in his past who squashed him flat and left him in the dust. I remember hanging out in a group of 10 or so of his friends and the song came on for the first time; I said something and endured the glares of those surrounding me, a "How dare you speak during the sacred song!? The SACRED SONG!!" glare from everyone in the room, mutters under the breath. Our fledgling relationship was over before it began because of that song. I made the mistake of disrespecting the sacred song. Sigh.

Now I'm a big fan of meaningful song lyrics - it defines me to many of the folks that I know. I spent New Year's Day at a friend's house and they had a very awesome classic rock station  on the XM radio playing, and aside from a single Steely Dan song (eww), I knew the words to every song and sang along. Con mucho gusto.

Oh, and a quick aside to the Lincoln Navigator people? I would totally buy one (if I had the cash, was in the market for a car, and owned my own gas station to fuel the SUV) due to the fact that you used Major Tom in the ad. Such an awesome song.

Lyrics get me through my day. Today, I smiled the biggest whilst listening to Rancid (seriously, how can you hear "I had a dream I was a vigilante's sidekick / my name is Tim, I'm a lesser-known character" and not smile?). Music is extremely important to me. It defines so many moments for me, and pretty much anything you (or anyone else) says to me (or just says out loud in my proximity) leads me to a song lyric (or an episode of Seinfeld or an SNL sketch). Is this normal? It's fun for me, even if it's not normal.

Oh, one of THOSE days.

Some days, not to put too fine a point on it, just plain suck. Now I haven't had one of those days in a little bit, but I'm no stranger to them. I heard this song the other day & while I'm not a churchy person, this song is one that really helps to pull me out of my own beehind when I'm having a crapalicious day. Here are the lyrics. Enjoy them and refer to them when things become craptastic.*

Lord, I hope this day is good / I'm feelin' empty and misunderstood / I should be thankful Lord, I know I should  But Lord, I hope this day is good

Lord, have you forgotten me / I've been prayin' to you faithfully / I'm not sayin' I'm a righteous man / But Lord, I hope you understand

I don't need fortune and I don't need fame / Send down the thunder Lord, send down the rain / But when you're planning just how it will be / Plan a good day for me

You've been the king since the dawn of time / All that I'm asking is a little less crime /
It might be hard fo the devil to do ...

* special thanks to the late Peter Boyle, who, in character on Everybody Loves Raymond, deserves a special award for his prolific and creative usage of the word 'crap' (and yes, I know he had writers; I prefer to attribute the usage directly to him... you know, with all due respect to the writers)

social media rambling

I've been sooo annoying lately. There are times in one's life that bring that out, and this has been one of those times. We are a military family, and we have military duties.

I've been watching all the chaos on Twitter regarding another military mom and her use of social media immediately following an accident that took away the life of her child. I've seen the nasty, angry lashing out of people who don't know what it's like to live away from your loved ones, what it's like to use social media out of necessity to reach your peers, what it's like to live someplace brand new, set up a household while your spouse is deployed. I know what that's like.

I've struggled with how much is too much - how much do I share, how much do I keep to myself? Is it oversharing or compromising safety? Does anyone even want to read the crap that falls out of my head?

I read a book recently that said that a lot of bloggers are borderline (or full-fledged) manic depressives, self-involved, slightly narcisstic oversharing folks who feel that everyone else finds their life just as fascinating as they themselves do. I don't think I'm that woman, I'm just looking for a public place to yell, release pressure and get a little perspective.

More to come, folks.