Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Demotivation


I found a squatter on
my front stoop this morning.
In my life, there is fear.

Fear of real things, fear of potential things, fear of possibilities. I think the fear of potential things is the scariest fear of all—when you don't know what's to come it's easy to invest time and energy and turn it into something big and terrifying... even when it may be something that never even comes to fruition.

This morning, I faced several fears. I went out to run while the sun was hiding behind clouds and rain was threatened. The rain I can handle—I don't like to run in the rain, but in this heat? It might not be so bad. No, I was more afraid of the lightning that threatened. I could hear the thunder, see the flashes far off in the sky.


This is crazy, I thought as I ran. Please don't let the lightning hit me, I repeated over and over, keeping my route close to home so I could duck for cover if I needed to. Would my phone melt? If I sprint to the light pole on the corner would the lightning hit the pole instead of me?

And guess what? Never happened. My run ended over a half an hour ago and still no rain, no lightning. That fear almost kept me home, but instead I went out and ran anyway. It's so easy to focus on fear and allow it to prevent you from moving forward. Some people naturally use fear as a motivator, but that's not easy for me.

I've found that after having kids, it's been a priority to not let fear stop me from doing something. How can I encourage my kid to succeed in the face of fear when I run and hide behind my own curtain of fear? It would remove all my credibility. I don't want to be that for my kids, I want them to see that I can face things that are scary and sometimes overcome them. Sometimes not, but you can't let that stop you. Failure happens.

Fear hasn't always been something I could easily overcome—fear has much more often been a demotivator for me, making me turn away from possibilities. Last month I faced a big fear and while I didn't exactly overcome it, I did push through it. Accepted and met my challenge and I'm a better person for it.

Now, that spider I found on my front stoop is another story entirely. That's a fear I can't live with and she has been dispatched accordingly. But that's a story for another day.

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