One of the first things I said as I took to the front of the room with my PowerPoint and my handouts was Awkward is my brand. I wrote a post before this conference about how awkward is my normal, so it was in my brain during the conference. The comment was meant as a sort of throwaway, self-deprecating comment of the sort that I always make, but I realized that it’s also real.
I’m the one who babbles to fill the quiet spaces when I’m feeling anxious (which is pretty much always). I’m the one who makes self-deprecating jokes, who downplays my skills and abilities before anyone else can. Awkwardness is what the class clown uses so you don’t notice that she’s not laughing. It buys her time to get past her own insecurity, buys her insurance that she won’t be the butt of anyone’s joke except her own.
But it’s not always that. Awkwardness for me is knowing that I don’t always know the right thing to say or the right way to say it, the right thing to wear or the right comment to make, but I’m going to let you know that I know this is who I am and I’m okay with it. Because we all have that.
I refuse to hide behind a veil of perfection, with the perfectly curated life. I fully admit that when I put on red lipstick, my teeth participate.
My name is Mari. I’m awkward and I’m smart. I’m funny and I love fiercely and fully. I want to know about your favorite food or beer or wine or child or book or movie or song and we will bond this way as humans. I don’t want to see your crazy and I’m not going to show you mine, but I’ll let you know it’s there. I won’t deny it.
This month, I'm the featured Blogger of the Month over on the Oklahoma Women Bloggers. I volunteered for this month because the theme is awkward. It's a theme I can get behind. Be sure to check it out.