Wednesday, November 02, 2016

The Creature in the Woods

Scene: Early morning, pre-dawn. A patio lit by a dim yellow bulb, the only noise is the insects battering away at the plexiglass surrounding it. The hiss of a screen door opening and closing joins the sound as a large black dog steps gingerly from the house onto the patio, stretching before trotting into the darkness of the yard. A woman, mid-40s, with mussed hair and pajama pants yawns and stretches. Mid-stretch a thrashing sort of rustle comes from the woods beyond the glow of the light, in the opposite direction of the dog. 

What would you do? I stopped mid-stretch and returned back into the safety of the house (as though that screen door was made of monster-proof material) and quietly freaked out so as not to scare the children who would go out to meet their bus soon. But there was a noise. A big noise.


A week or so later, my son took the dog out for her evening duties and it was a hot second before he ran back into the house after hearing the thrash through the trees. Hearing strange noises from dark, wooded places is not a sound that elicits comfort, after all.

But then yesterday afternoon as I took the dog out to chase a ball and do her duties, the now thinned out bushes and trees revealed the hidden creature that has been causing such commotion and I smiled as I saw the fluffy little bunny butt hop away. Trixie, oblivious to the bunny thrashing through the leaves, just searched for a good place to get down to business.

There are many other creatures that live in the woods around my house, including but not limited to: squirrels, raccoons, armadillos, moles, mice, deer, turkeys, homicidal clowns, roadrunners, quail, bobcats, coyotes, wolves and skunks—not to mention an unmentionable number of things that move on more than 4 legs. shudder. I'll take a fluffy bunny butt over all those others and next time I hear a noise in the woods, I'll remind myself that yes, it might be a pack of coyotes or homicidal clowns coming to do me in, but chances are it's a fluffy bunny.

In other news, my smothered pork chops yesterday were a bust. The sauce had a really weird consistency and even though I changed very little from the first time I made it, the family was underwhelmed. The pork chops, at least, were tender, so we didn't recreate the turkey dinner from Christmas Vacation, at least. This is why I will never be a food blogger.

4 comments:

  1. We, too, have a bunny. I call him Bunny Sanders, and like to think he has a platform of reducing the cost of college education for all the other bunnies.

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    1. That news story about the clown in Moore (which turned out to be a hoax, btw) was in my old neighborhood, so I'm happy it's a bunny and not anything worse!

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  2. Ever since we watched Stanger Things I wondered how you were able to sleep at night...or walk around your house in the dark or just really do anything. Thank goodness it was just a bunny and not the boogie man

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    1. Ha! And it doesn't help that 80s-era me was the spitting image of Barb... may she rest in peace...

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