Saturday, December 31, 2016
I am the one who knocks
I'm reminded of when my daughter was a toddler having a tantrum. She would throw herself on the floor and wail like it was her job and she was looking for a raise. If I walked out of the room, she would follow behind me, quietly, until I got to where I was going and then she would carefully lay herself down before me and commence wailing once again. She was in control at an early age, you see.
I tried to not take control of my life in 2016. I had been in anticipation mode and that was behind me, so what was next? I tried to let things just happen to me, to crumble under the pressure... but that's not who I am. I couldn't do it. I'd reach out to someone to crumble a little and I'd end up talking myself out of it and offering them support as well. Turns out I'm not made for weakness as I'd previously thought I was. I'm made of much stronger stuff. Who knew?
And that's part of the bullshit I'm leaving behind in 2016, this idea that I'm not strong. That I'm not the owner of my own shit—good, bad or indifferent. That I'm on the other side of the door, when in fact, I am the one who chooses the door. I'm in charge of myself. I'm the one who knocks.
Here's to taking control in a new year. You in?