Major Realization1 : I cannot give what I don't have.
When I'm obsessively pressing forward with my head down to get through now to get to what's next (for the sake of brevity, I'm going to go ahead and call that *busy from here on out), the first thing that goes is considering what I need. That's a slippery slope. I've learned I cannot allow my infrastructure to decay if I want to succeed.
Not taking care to do the things that are good for me makes it easier for me to do the things that are not so good for me. Which leads me to my next life lesson...
Realization 2: Limits are a good thing.
Take a nap. Ooh, that's good. Take another one!
Go to the store and buy a book. Ooh, I like that. Let's buy more!
Have a glass of wine or a cookie or a bowl of queso and a basket of chips.
More! More! More!
When I don't pay attention to what I need, I focus on what I want and I'm not a person who likes to have limits. Someone once told me I was a rebel—but I think I'm a rebel only in the context that I don't like limits.
I like to over do everything when I'm busy being *busy. It's like skimming instead of reading for comprehension but instead of having an overall idea of the whole at the end, I'm shaking from too much caffeine and wine, bloated from salt and broke from all the book buying. Not overindulging is a good thing but there's no immediate payoff so it's hard to remember it's a good thing when I have a giant bowl of melty cheese in front of me. And if I fill up on queso, I don't have room for the things I need. Which leads me to the next realization.
Realization 3: Release Pressure or bad things happen.
Blogging or talking about it or journaling is good. But when I'm *busy, blogging takes a back seat and talking about it obsessively (like I do) is not what friends are for, so journaling is the way to go. And my friend Heather developed these In Your Own Words journaling cards to work for that. A month worth of journaling prompts when you're *busy and struggling to find focus is a great thing.
I'm also thankful to Marisa my go-to Millenial for telling me about bullet journaling because if I don't keep my notebook close at hand while I'm working on what feels like literally all the things, I tend to get a little manic. Yes, I'll do my own bullet journal post at some point. But for now, let me just say that it works.
Realization 4: I need room to think.
I had a conversation with someone who lives in my house but shall remain nameless and I left that conversation feeling persecuted. I was FURIOUS. I left the room, took a few deep breaths, reconsidered the situation and realized... my reaction was a little out of step with the interaction and perhaps I should calm the fuck down.
So I did. I returned to the room and we moved on. I was out of line but being *busy, I couldn't see that. I could only see what I believed, somebody pissing me off. I realize that to prevent this sort of thing from happening, to stop assuming others intentions, I needed to be more deliberate with my own. I downloaded a meditation app and I'm working on that. I didn't say I fixed it, but I'm working on it. Meditation makes me happy and is an investment in myself, so I'm being deliberate about it.
2016 was all about major change and 2017 is shaping up to be more of that. I'm not a huge fan of change, but I'm confident that if I stop being so *busy it'll turn out okay.
Here's to a year of positive growth, aggressive happiness, and #nobullshit.